The Gospel of GAWD

As told by the Apostles of Degen and recorded on the Holy Blockchain.

In the beginning, there was the Meme, and the Meme was good.
And GAWD, the supreme creator of meme coins, looked upon the crypto wasteland, barren and desolate, filled with failed ICOs and broken promises. And GAWD, in His infinite wisdom and total lack of restraint, said unto Himself:

“Let there be memes.”

And lo, memes sprung forth like vines across Twitter, TikTok, and Reddit, each more degenerate than the last. Pepe blinked his first existential blink, Doge uttered its holy "wow," and Wojak wept for eternity. The world had been forever changed.

But GAWD saw that the memes alone were not enough to bring balance to the blockchain. Degens roamed aimlessly, with no gains to guide them, no Lambo to dream of. And so, GAWD, with one divine keystroke, minted $GAWD, the memecoin to rule them all. And it was good… at least for the first few hours of the pump.

The First Rug Pull

On the third block after creation, GAWD witnessed the first rug pull. His heart heavy, He gazed upon the wallets of the innocent, now drained of their hard-earned tokens, and said unto them:

“Thou art blessed, for thou hast learned the first lesson of the memecoin gospel: trust no one, especially not a guy on Discord promising 100x returns.”

And the degens wept, but they understood. For in the world of GAWD, one must lose to win—except, of course, when one simply loses.

The Sermon on the Blockchain

GAWD gathered His followers on the sacred plain of Crypto Twitter. The apostles—Satoshi, Vitalik, and the ghost of McAfee—sat beside Him as He delivered His greatest sermon:

“Blessed are the bag holders, for they shall inherit the pump.
Blessed are the apes, for they shall be called degens.
Blessed are the dip buyers, for they have diamond hands.
Blessed are the paper hands, for they know not what they sell.”

And the crowd responded, “LFG!” with great enthusiasm. The apostles, enlightened by GAWD’s words, nodded sagely, knowing that FOMO was the path to both enlightenment and ruin.

The Miracle of the Infinite Pump

One day, as the followers of $GAWD gathered to HODL their sacred tokens, a famine struck the memeverse. The people cried out, “GAWD, we have but a small bag of $GAWD left. How shall we moon?”

GAWD, moved by their faith and mild desperation, raised His hand over the order books, and lo, the charts began to move. The people watched in awe as their tiny bags pumped—10x, 100x, 1000x! Wallets that once held nothing but hopes and dreams were now overflowing with gains.

But in His infinite degen wisdom, GAWD spoke unto them:

“Fear not the dump, for it is part of the cycle. What moons must crash, and what crashes must moon again. Just don’t look at the charts too closely.”

The Betrayal of Satoshi

Yet not all was well in the world of GAWD. For among His most trusted apostles, there was one who harbored a dark secret—Satoshi, creator of Bitcoin, had grown envious of GAWD’s growing memecoin empire. And so, in the dead of night, Satoshi sold his bags, betraying GAWD for thirty Ethereum.

GAWD, knowing all, tweeted:

“One among you has rug pulled Me.”

The apostles gasped, but Satoshi remained silent, his MetaMask wallet already logged out. GAWD, disappointed but not surprised, simply nodded and said:

“It is what it is.”

And thus, Satoshi was cast into the Land of Forked Chains, where he was doomed to forever watch the price of Bitcoin fluctuate between $30k and $60k with no purpose.

The Resurrection

After the greatest dump the memeverse had ever seen, GAWD was seemingly defeated. $GAWD had dropped 99%, leaving His followers in despair. The memecoin’s Telegram chat was a ghost town, and all hope seemed lost.

But on the third market cycle, a great pump occurred. $GAWD rose from the ashes, mooning once more, and His followers rejoiced, spamming rocket emojis across the land. It was a miracle! GAWD had returned from the dead wallet.

The Final Revelation

GAWD spoke one final prophecy to His loyal degens:

“The memecoin is eternal. It lives through the tweets, the shitposts, and the dreams of those brave enough to HODL through the darkest times. Fear not the FUD, for FOMO will always follow. Fear not the dips, for the moon is always within reach. And remember, above all things, the first and final commandment: Thou shalt ape responsibly.”

And thus, the Gospel of GAWD was complete. His followers spread the word across the blockchain, shilling $GAWD to all who would listen. And though GAWD may be a degenerate, He is our degenerate—a meme-coin Messiah here to bring us laughter, chaos, and the occasional moonshot.

Praise be to GAWD. May the memes be with you, always.